Monday, January 19, 2015

The rebuild

credit


Previous

February 2012 

I haven't known how to tell the next part of my story.

The part that comes after the drama of discovering Mr. Scabs disloyalty,
kicking him out of the house,
buring all his underwear,
having tourettes,
asking him to eat the scab,
the mysterious paralysis of my legs and then the healing of those legs,
the disipating fog of limbo,
bits of hope
and the conscience decision to work on our marriage.

As my legs healed and grew stronger I began to walk and ride my bike and practice yoga again. Life felt slow.  I was careful and observant.  I watched mr scabs tear down walls and gut our 50's style kitchen and tinker, rebuild and remodel.  We were both incredibly vulnerable; just like the kitchen, we were being gutted.

I handed him nails and hammers and drew outlines and consulteed with experts on our new kitchen. All the while, not knowing what to do about the disaster that had become our life.  Advice, opinions and stories filtering over my ears into my gut shaped my thoguhts and so i did what i have always done; move forward and take another step in the direction my feet were pointed.

I had to trust that.

I had to trust the ups and downs.  I had to invest in discovering, exploring, understanding and studying the ins and outs of this new life with Mr. Scabs ...we had an uneasy agreement to work on ourselves and see what would happen.

There were times we slept in the same bed and sometimes the guest room became Mr. Scabs room. Sometimes we went on vacation together and other times we left Mr. Scabs at home.  Sometimes I was in and other times I was out. There were times I contemplated shaving off one of his eyebrows while he slept and other insane times I'd ransack his truck certain I'd find evidence.  And then, there were times we'd take the family to the dog park and run and play like we were the couple that fell in love years ago!

But mostly, I carefully observed.  I watched him from the safety of my boundaries.  I watched him rebuild those kitchen walls.


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9 comments:

  1. Yay for rebuilding! Thank you for the update.

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  2. Sorry I don't have an account so I had to sign in as anonymous. I'm anxious to have it sent to me! My life is really needing some intimacy. Thank you, Wendy

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  3. So glad you're back blogging! I missed your strength.

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    Replies
    1. thank you! I feels nice to be back from my extended vacation. :)

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  4. I love this kitchen gutting analogy. I see the hope in that imagery. So needed this today.

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    1. Its funny how just a few days after Mr. Scabs moved in he began the kitchen remodel. I think he needed something constructive to do, but it became the analogy of rebuilding our marriage. There is so much hope, anyone can be a new person if they want to. :)

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hi

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