Monday, May 26, 2014

Intimacy...say what?

Carry On, Warrior

My friend sent me a screen shot of this book.  
I read it and said, "Yes.  This is how I feel."
We speak the same language.


Monday, May 19, 2014

Exploitation Summit...dig in!

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{psst....here's a secret...there's a book giveaway at the bottom of this post, scroll and email her asap!}

I know this really great lady/friend/local hero here, in Arizona, who all of a sudden last February called the mayors of Mesa and Gilbert in a fit of disgust.  She asked for a citizens meeting.  Her agenda was to shut down local brothels loosely disguising themselves as "massage parlors" that feed off the sexual exploitation of others.

A few weeks later, there was an investigation and a raid that shut down a parlor near her home!

She's not stopping.

More meetings have been set, more connections made, she's learned more, reached more and is pushing for real changes.  Our local hero and Community Activist received a scholarship from Morality in Media (wow! and thank you) and spent this last weekend in Virginia at the Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation Summit.

She's sharing her travel log.  Which really is just a feast of great things.  Dig in!

Thursday May 15, 2014
11:05am -Sitting on the floor waiting to board the first leg of my flight toward Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation Summit I can't wait to learn how to save the world!! 

Here I am with my S.O.U.L Bags ready for take off!
SOUL Bags

3:30pm -Recruited a Chandler engineer to our cause just after landing in Minnesota.   Now on to D.C.

Scabs: of course you did!

6:06pm -Landed in DC, saw the Washington monument out the window as we headed in for landing.   We'll see if I can survive driving in DC & find my dorm.....



6:49pm -Got the car,  full damage waiver,  I heard traffic is crazy here maybe??
The irony of being greeted for the sexual exploitation conference by a huge phallic symbol just hit me 


7:47pm -No joke about dorms,  rockin Club next door & 8 beds to a room. No complaints just gratitude that I didn't live in the dorms in college

Scabs: hahaha about the monument!! wow!
and the dorms!  sounds FUN!

So fun.  Shhh, don't tell anyone but I reserved a room for the next 2 nights,  cause. ... sleep 

Friday May 16

4:08am -Just met the amazing Dawn Hawkins.   Was checked in by my hero Polly Scott.
I rode in the car with Lauri from Redeemed Ministries who provides services to trafficked women,  Aja from Unearthed Pictures working to heal the hearts of men, and Jenni Bishop of Purity Works who has created some great books (The Princess and the Kiss & The Squire and the Scroll) & curriculum aimed at reaching families and children before they're affected.
I had a great conversation with a young man who used to be a porn star and was given his first Bible by Shelly Luben!  

Dawn Hawkins

5:38am -Star struck!   Just met Doug Weiss! ! In person.
Dawn Hawkins with Morality In Media.  Rock Star!

6:14am -Gail Dines, rock star & author of "Porn Land"
"Rape is over - conformity to society's messages"
"Feminists are men's best friends,  we are the only ones fighting for boy's humanity"

The porn industry makes kids "porn ready".  Students are thrown into this and left to drown.
I just met a new hero!   Barbara Hattemer who is a local activist that got ordinances changed in the city of Naples, FLORIDA requiring minimum distance between sexually oriented businesses and schools!!

Gail Dines

11:21am -I love the power and passion coming from the presenters and the attendees.
"There is no research that shows positive outcomes of pornography" -Mary Ann Layden
Research <-- this is a summary of good academic research that shows pornography is harmful

"The increasing use of pornography is related to higher psychopathic scores"

11:50am -Pornography threatens the loss of love in a world where only love can bring happiness"
Pornography is illegal to distribute,  we just need to enforce the law.

My hero!  ♡♡♡
Doug Weiss! Doug Weiss! Doug Weiss!
Seriously, I love him!

Scabs:  What do you love about him?

This guy saved my marriage.   I haven't met or talked with him until today.   But his program, dvds & books have guided the recovery of our marriage.
I heard about polygraph tests from him.   I learned to stop watching my husband's eyes from him.
I learned about recognizing what brings me pleasure & honoring & scheduling those things in my life.

1:10pm -"You can't get well unless your secret's out"  Doug Weiss

2:41pm -When preaching to men in the church "Why are you preaching to the choir? "  and I responded, "because the choir is looking at porn"

3:02pm -I just stood with 100 fighters after presentations from a priest, a pastor & a mormon leader and sang amazing grace. The Spirit of God is electric in this room!

3:15pm -The mormon leader just responded to a question about how to get men to step back into their God designed leadership role.   He suggested maybe she give "a little angelic butt kicking"

The mall pastor suggested that as men find freedom from the chains of porn they'll return to their natural leadership role.

3:35pm -I just passed Shelly. ... Can't wait to meet her!

Anti-porn successes
9:03pm -I don't have words for the joy,  miracles & awesomeness of this day!   Maybe a gratitude list will work best. 
*I'm grateful that Doug Weiss is here,  & I got to chat with him & tell him what a difference his work his made in my life and my healing
*my husband and Doug both humored me by talking with each other briefly on the phone
*I met with a community activist soul sister Barbara Hattemer who's efforts years ago have had a direct impact on preventing the infiltration of pornified culture in her town
*I talked briefly with Rhyll Croshaw who I love anyway but now love more because she was instrumental in getting Doug Weiss here.
*I made a hotel reservation,  so I now have shampoo,  quiet, warmth & comfort for the night:)
*I appeared in the Family Watch International documentary the porn pandemic, and didn't run from the room to hide!    Plus Scabs & Jacy who I love and admire powerfully explained the harms of porn & called people to action in the battle! ♡♡♡
*I met Judi G. Reid who was an angel in person thanking me (me!) For my bravery in speaking about my story & gave me a copy of her book "Rise Up! 71 thoughts of hope & inspiration for women of value"  I felt God's love for all of us women who have been broken.   She shared a beautiful story of tulips,  that I'll share later

To much beauty & too much love to recount.   God is good!   He knows us & he cares about the details! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
This is all so Beautiful

Saturday, May 17
5:36am -I can't wait to review Purity Works.  Jenni is fantastic!

Addo should be here!
I've been sharing the advisor training info with church leaders here,  Mormon, Protestant & Catholic

6:35am -Shelly is almost up!

Mind blown. .. by Donny's talk, pornographers are someone's little boy too.
Like jesus we reach hearts then laws.
"Why do we confuse God with those claiming to represent him"
Oh how our Father's love reaches all as we open our hearts to it.   My next stop:  XXX Church
These folks like Jesus are reaching the sinners,  the broken,  the bleeding,  the slaves & helping them find Jesus.

This is just for you!   I told Shelly about you & gave her your blog address.
Shelly Lubben
Scabs: thank you!  thats so cool about shelly!  Her story woke me up.  changed how i thought about everything!
…and about you feeling right where you are supposed to be.  the most satisfying feeling xo

8:10am -I have had such great confirmation today that I am right where God wants me on his faith journey.
My eyes are being opened.  I am being grounded again at my Savior's side.
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. Ephesus 3:20

SCARS: Surrender, confess, accountable, responsibility,  share
Good never wastes an experience!

8:32am -FAITH +COURAGE+ACTION+GRACE = RECOVERY - Stephen Crowshaw

11:18am -There is no message on Pauls Armor in Ephesians to protect your back,  turning your back on this fight is inviting injury! -Pastor Jay Dennis 

4:37pm -I've made the most amazing connections with women doing what we're doing around the country.  Texas & Alabama in big wonderful ways! ♡
I shared Addo's info with a bunch of clergy & women who are involved in recovery ministry.

Rt 1520 has even been working on developing their own curriculum. There's a newly forming Texas coalition that is putting together some innovative programs for healing.  And they'll share with us what they're doing!

This woman ministers healing through dance & she has a petition to end the sexualization of dance for kids
Sunday, May 18
11:48am -I spent last night eating dinner in old town Arlington then wandering DC by car with two wonderful fighters from Houston TX who work to help trafficked women escape & recover.
I stayed up late swapping stories with my new friend Laurie who works with Redeemed Ministries.
We slept in wandered downtown,  and explored the National Art & Portrait Museum before saying goodbye for now and heading for the airport.

This weekend has been empowering,  paradigm shifting,  and filled with hope in humanity and belief in the strength of the diverse army fighting the enemy together via overwhelming beautiful miracles!


Scabs: I'm speechless.  Wow

Do you want to get involved?  
Do you want to make changes in your own community?  
Our local hero is offering her help. Email her here

AZcommunityleadership {at} gmail {dot} com

The Loot

Let's give away a book.  Our local Community Activist has a copy of Rhyll Croshaw's Book "What Can I Do About Him Me?

The first to email gets the book.

AZcommunityleadership {at} gmail {dot} com


Sunday, May 18, 2014

Headless

me
Jill Candland Photography
In the spirit of self care and free things.
Check out Addo's free yoga coming up this Tuesday (May 20th).
For times, registration and other info, see it here

Take care of yourself today.
                          xo Scabs

Thursday, May 15, 2014

wobbly legs

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previous

December 2011


When I think back to the loss of my legs, I don't remember much.  In a lucid and dream like way I recall the pain and the physical breakdown and the mental apathy that took hold of me.  I suppose the upheaval of my life should have thrown me into a mental breakdown.  But it didn't.  Instead it was my body that broke and my mind that sat in a state of suspension thanks to my doctors prescription of heavy opioids.  

You'd think the slow process of paralysis wouldn't cause much pain, after all the end result was numbness.  But it wasn't, it was agonizing, something between hot pokers and electrical stabs. It was unreal.  The pain and the narcotics seemed to erase my mind.  I sat for months in an almost catatonic state almost forgetting the hell.

My children would come and sit by me. I'd read them stories about the Juggling Pug or the Great Fuzz Frenzy or stroke their hair but mostly I just lay on the sofa watching their lives play out before me.  It was the holidays.  I missed the Winter Sing and the violin concert and Christmas festivities.  

As Mr. Scabs watched me physically unravel and mentally turn to mush he began to feel desperate. I was nothing like the girl he knew.  He was afraid.  I was deteriorating.

There were a million appointments with different doctors and physical therapists and chiropractors and witch doctors and shamen, all with varied diagnoses and treatments.  He yelled "NO" and wheeled me out of the pain management doctor just before I was injected with a slew of cortisone shots.  He threw his hands up in frustration when the therapies fizzled and my paralysis grew worse, spreading deep into both legs down my thighs, calves and even into my smallest pinky toes.

The morning before Christmas Eve, Mr. Scabs picked me out of my bed and sat me in the passenger seat of our car.  I wasn't pretty.  I smelled.  I hadn't eaten.  My hair was knotted.  I'd worn the same pajama pants and T-shirt for weeks.  At this point, even the gentle sprinkle of a hot shower was too excruciating.  

It was an appointment with a new specialist, a physicians assistant.  It was the day before Christmas Eve and the office was empty.  All the appointments had been cancelled but this P.A. stayed.  Later she said she'd had a feeling she should see me.  The moment I described my symptoms she gave me the look.  Then she asked me a few more questions, reviewed my MRI and then excused herself to call the doctor.

You know the deep, burning lump in your throat that kick starts slow hot tears.  Those kind of tears began to leak from my eyes as she explained my diagnosis and the emergency surgery I needed. Suddenly, I knew, and Mr Scabs knew that she was right.  The doctor cancelled his holiday plans and within hours I was nodding off to the gentle drip of the anesthesiologist.

The miracle of all this is that when I came to, I could walk.
I simply was able to get out of bed, stand up straight and walk!  

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Ahh, crap! You told somebody.

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We've all been there.  That terrifying place of asking for help.  

You've decided to trust someone.  You tell the truth.  You cry and yell and sob and your mascara runs and you feel more vulnerable and exposed than ever.  But, you feel an unstable relief as the words spill from your tongue and fall on listening ears.  Finally, the hope of help.  Our puffy red eyes regain focus we wait for the help we need.

Sometimes we get the support and love and compassion we need.  But sometimes we don't.  And, sometimes those interactions can cause even more trauma, right?  It's an intense situation for anyone to navigate.  



This is why I'm so happy about Addo Recovery's commitment providing tools for healing.  This Friday, May 16th Addo Recovery will hold a webinar educating about the trauma of spouses and loved ones.  


Is this not what we have been asking for??  
                                                            {Thank you Addo}

Pass this information on to your parents, friends, church leaders, counselors, therapists anyone involved in helping you.   Post it on your Facebook status, your Instagram...maybe even your Vine feed (say what?  you have a Vine feed?)!  

  
WHAT: Understanding Trauma of Spouses & Loved Ones
WHEN: Friday, May16th at 1pm MST
WHERE: Anywhere.  The beauty is you can listen wherever you happen to be on Friday at 1pm.  You can use your phone, laptop or tablet to listen and participate.   



**Help someone you know register for the class.  I have a whole pile of people in mind too.  You won't be disappointed.  Dr. Skinner is not only deeply knowledgeable and compassionate, he is also clear about how to help. **

Register here


ADDO'S CLASS DESCRIPTION: 
When someone has a sexual or pornography addiction the whole family hurts. The betrayal can lead to intense heartbreak and trauma experienced by spouses and loved ones. This trauma can be emotionally and physically devastating. The webinar will focus on understanding what spouses and loved ones are experiencing and how to best advise and support them. Specifically we will be discussing: 

1. What is betrayal trauma?
2. What are the signs of betrayal trauma?
3. Do they need more than you can give?
4. What should the expectations be for healing?
5. When and where can you send them for proper help? 

During this webinar we will take an in-depth look at the impact sexual or pornography addiction has on the family, specifically spouses. The webinar will be conducted by Addo Recovery's Clinical Director and best selling author of Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools For Recovery, Dr. Kevin Skinner.

The webinar will be held on Friday, May 16th at 1pm MST. There will be time for Q&A. If anyone has any specific questions that they would like Dr. Skinner to address they can submit them to AdvisorSupport@AddoRecovery.com.

The training will be recorded, so if someone is unable to participate live it will be available for playback. If they would like to receive a link to the recorded presentation they will need to register. 

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