Tuesday, February 18, 2014

the little lady & camp news

SLC Camp News:  

I've sent out an email with registration and instructions.  If you were on my SLC camp list but didn't get an email send me a quick note campscabs@gmail.com.

Also, the final camp scholarship was awarded.  I sent emails for this.  It's the same drill, if you didn't get an email or couldn't view the video file, send me a note.


This morning at work a small woman said to me,

"I need help."

I knew the timbre in her voice.  It was the same helpless tone from my own darkest moments.  I work for a large financial business, the kind of business that has nothing to do with emotions.  But as I heard this desperate voice reach out, I knew it was something more than her finances.

I said, "Of course I can help you.  What's going on?"

She then explained to me she had made a mistake with a bank transfer and a few other things were up in the air.  She was shaking and worried.  Then, through tears, she told how her husband of 47 years had suddenly, unexpectedly passed from this life to the next.  We talked about it for a minute, she talked about walking around in a fog.  I said, "I know what you mean, it's like being lost in a coma."
She talked about the sleepless nights and gut wrenching grief.  I said, "I know what you mean, it's like being punched in the stomach with a bag full of rocks."

Then she said, "Have you lost a husband."

I said, "Not like that, but I have lost a husband."

Without the darkness of the past I wouldn't have understood her grief. There is something sacred about binding a cord that lets another know they aren't alone, about breaking from the prison of ourselves.

I love the video above.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

a valentines scholarship

It's the month of love, and Valentine's Day is right around the corner.
A wopa's favorite holiday.

And in honor of all the love that is in our hearts we are giving one more $500 scholarship for Camp Scabs SLC March 27-29.  So, check your calendar, send me an email, cross your fingers and say a silent "thank you" to the generous man behind the money.  I'll do a random drawing Feb. 14th.


Monday, February 10, 2014

will this ever end?


I haven't been telling this story for too long just a few years.  Honestly, I'm surprised I'm still alive! There literally was a time I thought I'd die, my heart was shattered.  During the ugly-hell part of this experience I would shriek into my pillow with my tear-stained puffy face,


The other night we had a little Arizona WOPA (wives/ex-wives/daughters of porn addicts) reunion.  We fiercely support and love each other.  There is no judgement, no cliques, no wrong answers.  It was fun and if you're from AZ and want to be included, send me a quick note.  

The words,  
"will this ever end?"
"will this ever end?"
"will this ever end?"

It's the invocation of the hopeless, the lost, the broken-hearted, the betrayed.  It was my unanswered question.  And, it is the question that bangs around in our brains overshadowing all we feel.  Like a gong banging the words through our hearts. Searing them upon us. And with the loudest and softest of voices we ask the wind, "will this ever end?"

At the WOPA reunion I heard this chant again.  And, I remembered the women who had gone before and their soothing words and gentle understanding.  These trail-blazers told me I would find peace.  No matter what my husband decided.  They promised, I would find an end.

I didn't believe them.  

As all things do, I've come full circle and now I can answer with gentle, soothing certainty.  

There is an end.
You will find it.

This brings me to two things I love and want to share. 

Addo Recovery.  They are compassionate and real and teeming with tools and FREE course and webinars for us.  I love them.  I should have announced their most recent webinar about Addiction and Intimacy.  Next time.  

Mr. Scabs and I listened to Dr. Skinner's presentation about Addiction and Intimacy.  This is our current phase.  Bringing back the intimacy.   I like a therapist who pushes the text book boundaries.  I like new ideas that make sense to my heart.  I like stories.  I like that he offers online group therapy.

I like Rachel Gunther.  I've met her and talked to her.  She's rad and she gets it.  And I like that she offers online therapy.  Because so many of us live in places where we can't get the help we need.  In fact, right now through Feb, she's offering online sessions for $65!!  Try it out, contact them here for scheduling. I know it's kind of late in the month but its worth a try.

Plus, I like ADDO's FREE online course for women.  Sign up here.  The next class starts on the 19th. I'll be taking it again.  I like repeating things, it helps me learn more and measure my growth.

I like that they help those of us who are still married and those of us who aren't.  They have compassion for both.  They have an upcoming 8-week group focusing on Life After Divorce therapy group.  We all know their are complications and pain with the break-up of a marriage.  And simply leaving doesn't heal our wounds.  Reach out.  Call their office here 801-406-8994.  Blow up their phone, because the more we ask, the more they will give.  The online group isn't currently available but I know that if you ask they will make it happen. The in-person group will begin Feb 19th.  

And, yes.  There's a men's group too.  Check it out here.

I love their generosity and compassion.  I like the guy behind the scenes.  He works tirelessly and quietly. He has a wonderful wife and family and in-laws.  This is his passion.  ADDO is my fav.  These resources will guide you to the answer to the question banging around in our heads:

"will this ever end?"

Ok that was a lot of info, I didn't mean to write that much, but really, they have so much to offer.

This post is already far too long and I am way too tired.  So I will post about my other favorite resource another day.  If you haven't already, have a sneak peak at Fight The New Drug.

p.s. i promise.  there is an end to the gut-wrenching hell you feel.

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