Thursday, January 9, 2014

se la vie


Hey y'all!

November came and went with a flash then December and now January!  It takes time to figure out this new life of mine.  How do we honor the past without wallowing in it or ignoring it?  And then moving forward with hope and love?  How does all this happen?  I'm not sure.

November brought the Scabs Family a wedding anniversary that we no longer celebrate, a porniversary that causes all of us pain and then the general holiday hub-bub and traditions and traveling and family.

We realize we can't carry on life like we used to, pre-addiction.  But we also realize we can't seep ourselves in self-pity, self-hatred, self-doubt, walking on eggshells.  It's too timid of a way to live.  And so, Mr. Scabs and I have played around with the idea of getting re-married, making a moment of re-commitment.  A moment we can celebrate.

And, as for that painful November porniversary, we have decided that it might be a good idea to quietly honor that moment too.  Spend a quiet dinner together.  Remember.  Hold hands.  And humbly pay homage to the places we have been.

This new life is a total reconstruction.  A gut job.

Aside from that, no more delays on the how to confront a liar post promised to you in November. The post is longer that I like and there are some things in there I hesitate to say aloud but se la vie.


  1. Hi Scabs. Since I found your blog about almost 2 years ago, your words have spoken to me like a true friend. In many ways, our timing and paths have been similar. So often you write about exactly what I am going through or thinking about, yet your words help me clarify my thoughts. And they often make me laugh!!! I have needed to laugh! And, I've shared them with other women going through this, and sometimes with my husband. So thank you for sharing your story!
    I can really relate to this post, especially the part about figuring out this "new life", how to move forward without wallowing in, nor forgetting the pain of the past. I feel I have reached a turning point, having worked very hard to heal the trauma, find some forgiveness and hope. I have been fortunate that my husband has also worked very hard and somehow, I am starting to let go of seeing all the horrors of the past when I look at him, and am able to see this new man, his brave desire to change and atone and be the man he was meant to be.
    For the past 3 years, my eyes have been opened to the fears, the reality, the madness of it all. Only now, am I really able to open my eyes and my heart to the risks of loving and trusting again. And, I accept that there is risk, but the alternative of living without love and trust (in or out of this relationship) is just not how I want to live. So, I am grateful for time and healing, and for all the women I have met, who like you, are brave, real, and loving.

    1. you're right, it is a risk to love again. and just like you i'm will to take the risk. sometimes you can't or everything really is dead and destroyed but for me i feel like really giving it an honest chance and figuring out how to live this new life is like forging a new path. Healing is strange, isn't it? I never thought I could be here.

  2. That was beautiful. And inspiring. And real. Some of the many things I love about you. I love this idea. Celebrating where we have gone, the good and the bad. Maybe you can try it first and let me know how it went! Glad you are BACK!

  3. I thought we'd never celebrate our anniversary again. I just couldn't do it. It was so close to disclosure day (the week of) that I couldn't stomach it. This year though, we went for it. Quietly. Cards and flowers and promise of a dinner the following week. It went better than I expected. I felt almost empowered to be able to get that day back from the shadow of the addiction. I hope your plans for a recommitment ceremony go well!! You deserve it!!

    1. i like that idea, reclaiming your anniversary. I'm so glad its going well for you!



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