Monday, January 7, 2013

The Big Thaw


The holidays are over.  The new year is here.  It's time to plug back into the word and give some of my time back to regular writing here.  Thanks to all those who kept in touch via email, text, phone calls and the occasional awesome Christmas card!!  Thank you!

The Scabs home has felt a healthy dose of the Big Thaw.  Thanks to Mr. Scabs this holidays season has been the most memorable, the most loving, the most fun.  We have felt more whole than ever.  I see the difference in our children.  

The Big Thaw is fragile but it feels like a tipping point.

Enough change, transparency and humility from Mr. Scabs has allowed me to warm up to him.  Enough solid action and honest apologies.  Change is slow.  Even one year ago this change seemed impossible.   In fact, one year ago divorce papers were burning up a folder on my desk.  I had made up my mind.

So, this year I will tell the story of how and why I decided to stay.  
Isn't that the million dollar question?

Why do you stay?




12 comments:

  1. glad you're back... i just love what you have to say..
    And man that is THEE freaking million dollar question isn't it?
    One that I hate answering... I'm gonna mull this one over.. it really is complex.

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    1. you're sweet! I feel so lucky that you read and you get what i have to say. Hope your family's Christmas was RAD and fun and exciting!

      You're right, it's a complex million dollar question. We'll see if our answers make any sense.

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  2. I missed you posts. Im glad your back. Your story of hope helps me in my quest for healing from my husbands sex addiction. Ive emailed you once and your reply back was so kind and helpful. Thank you. Sometimes i stay in my marriage because I feel thats the only thing i can do, but a lot of time its because there is still hope or because heavenly father hasn't told me to get out.

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    1. Thanks anon! Email me again...sometimes emails get lost in the hustle but I never forget a story. I have to believe there is still hope too and that life has more depth than just black and white decisions.

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  3. ::: Grabs a cozy blanket and a big bowl of popcorn :::
    ::: Waits patiently :::
    ::: blink :::

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    1. your comment just made me laugh...haha! I can just see you all cozied up!

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  4. UHH- you know that's my million dollar question. At the same time, I've read how you have conquered and I admire your strength, love, determination. You're a model to the rest of us...**Happy New Year**

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    1. I know, I know. It doesn't seem possible, does it?

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  5. Hello! Million dollar question... indeed, the gazillion dollar question!
    My 2 year antiversary is later this month - a week before my twin toddlers turn a whopping 2! Last year at my 1 year DDay anniversary I could barely breathe, let alone properly celebrate their 1st birthday. Now I'm in a pretty different place & can focus much more on them & our family ... and how much we've each changed in those long but short 2 years. Nevertheless, despite my best efforst this month already feels harder than I'd like it to. I'm trying, trying, trying to keep my eyes on the prize -- an amazing, beautiful life that took some twists & turns to get. (My motto from Spinoza 'All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.')

    In any case, I'm eager to hear about your thaw. I've felt it myself, in big & small ways. How I can laugh with him again, how I can again drape my feet on his lap when I'm on the couch, how we can parent crazy toddlers together & very rarely fluster or bicker, how I can actually look at him again after a long time of disgust, how I can sympathize (if not empathize), how I can feel a tiny bit of excitement when he said to me last week that he's going to operate on good faith that we're going to make this work & not stress over my non-commitment to him, that he'll just take that as a way to love me more, and not panic about less. I'm thawing, even if January isn't the best month for me.

    I look forward to hearing more from you, scabs. I always love your image choices and can tell you appreciate beauty. Hoping 2013 brings us all beautiful lives!

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    1. my thaw feels a lot like you describe...slow, steady, and their complete acceptance of "good faith" as you say and owning every bit of what they have done. And it's encouraging to see the changes we've made in one year. I'm happy for you and hope all paths lead to healing.

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  6. Also, from the small amount of images I have seen of your house and clothes, this tumblr reminds me of you: http://bohemianhomes.tumblr.com/ I love it all!

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hi

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