Monday, December 24, 2012

Happy Holidays


Happy Holidays 

I'll be back after the new year.

kisses, hugs and all kinds of love,

Saturday, December 22, 2012

truth-telling lasagna

speak the truth, even if your voice shakes
Is is already Friday Saturday??  I haven't cracked Eat My Scabs all week!  Holiday traditions, cookie baking, drinking Mexican Cocoa, walking around the holiday lights here, finding snow in Arizona here and other holiday fun have left me with little time to write, but I've had a story brewing in my head for a few days, so, here it goes.

A story about truth-telling lasagna.

One day, not too long ago, Mr. Scabs had been caught in a nonsensical lie of omission.  Meaning, he didn't tell me something important.  The kind of lie where you just {shove it under the rug}, {stuff it in the closet}, or use the {ignore it till it goes away} method.

This little {slip of memory} came to light one evening while I was spreading ricotta cheese and sauce on noodles, making lasagna for dinner.

Like conjoined twins, addiction and lies are born together, attached at the chest, sharing one black heart.  Their birth into the world is perilous and there's a slim chance of survival if they are separated.

I'm sympathetic to the compulsion of liars. There was a time when I was a liar.

I told stories, exaggerations and fabrications.  Lying became natural...they spilled from me like poison, infecting myself with a liars heart.  This blight spread to all I knew and I became lost.  So lost and disoriented that I didn't even know my own story.

I understand what pushes us to lie.  I also understand what pushes us to tell the truth.  I have a gigantic amount of hope that Mr. Scabs is finding that freedom.

But, there are still moments.

Like anyone who's been lied to, I was sick to death and completely intolerant of any kind of {untruth}, {fib}, {misrepresentation} or {blank stare} accompanied by endless {i don't knows}.

Fully coherent to the task at hand, I spread another layer of sauce.  Another layer of zucchini and cheese.  Another layer of lies!  Why?  Another layer of utter frustration!

Instead of pulling my hair out and screaming, I breathe.  Thank you yoga.  Breathe and feel.

I hear the clanking of plates being set on the table.  My family gathers around, kids switching out big forks for little forks, Mr. Scabs fills the glasses with ice.

With the ring of the oven bell, the lasagna is done, smelling savory delicious!  Setting the pan on the table I announce,

"This is truth-telling lasagna."

Our daughter giggles and I see a side-ways glance from Mr Scabs.

Repeating myself with more confidence,  "We're eating Truth-Telling Lasagna tonight."

All eyes are on me.  My kids excited for whatever story I'm going to tell and Mr. Scabs visibly nervous.  I explain, that tonight we are going to share some ideas about honesty in our lives and especially in our family.  Then I point to Mr. Scabs and I say, "Your father is going to lead the discussion."

With the enthusiasm and single attention of children, our kids excitedly turn to their father ready to soak up whatever he has to offer.

Mr. Scabs is genuinely a good sport.  With a few interjections from me, some personal stories and funny animations Mr. Scabs talks in humility about telling the truth.

Scooping another helping of Truth-Telling Lasagna onto their empty plates I sit back and watch this impromptu moment.  Observing Mr. Scabs humbly teach his children about his greatest life struggle.  It was oddly beautiful.

We ended dinner with a short clip from the sit-com The Middle,
thanks to our friend Beautiful Mess.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Send Jacy your love

Jacy, forgive me for posting this!
But, this might be one of my all time favorite pictures of you.
Probably cause, I have a 4th grade picture just like this with the same haircut!  haha!

If you haven't already, send your love. 

Jacy is the most understanding friend to many of us facing similar craziness in our lives.    
Her heart is beautiful and full of tenderness.  

She was one of the first women to reach out to me when I began telling my story last spring.  Since then, we've spent lots of time sharing our heartfelt concern for all of you.  She has a great passion for women, the beauty of life, learning, healing and sharing.  One of her greatest gifts is the genuine love she has for each of you whether you've met her, emailed her or just silently read her words.  She knows every roll of emotions and turn of events we face.  

Now, she reaches out to her future with both hands.
Love you Jacy!

Many of us will miss her blog, but we can all keep in touch via her facebook.  


               Today I'm burning {blaming the past and guessing the future} and 
                                                  putting the words {live in the moment} under my orange.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


They say, 12/12/12 is a calendar succession that will not happen again in out life time.  Numbers and stars have aligned to create a power channel of least, according to my yoga teacher
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It's late.

I've just gotten off the phone with our friend Jane.  She's rad.  And, I'm peeling an orange from the backyard tree, chilled by the cold nights and sweetened by the sun.  This is the most delicious time of year!

Mr. Scabs and I are sitting here talking about getting off the bench and putting both feet in the game.  Maybe, this is how an addict can shed all the labels and innate shame they seem so connected to.  Food for thought before we go to sleep.

And, although every bit of my body and mind are telling me to get cozy and settle down for a long winters nap, I can't.  I want to share something super weird and fun.

They say there is a opening in the universe today, and a succession of calendar numbers like this wont happen again in our life time.  12/12/12.  I'm not a superstitious person, but I do believe in yoga.

It has saved me in some of my darkest moments.

Tonight, my yoga teacher explained that this opening in the universe has aligned with stars, ancient calendars the strength of our hearts and the right amount of pixie dust, providing a dynamic channel.

This channel is particularity powerful right now.  It has the power to rid us of things that do not serve our higher selves.  Like a Dyson wind tunnel, it sucks these things far out into the universe never to return.

This opening also has the power to replace our sucked away universal garbage with favorable gifts.

Now, yoga theology is all about peace, love, charity, hope and understanding so it might not be kosher to ask the universe rid us of a certain annoying neighbor or micro-managing boss.  You know what I mean, right?

In her quirky, yoga-hippy way, I listened to my teacher explain:

"Each day, on a scrap of paper, write one thing you want to rid from yourself.  Read it, then burn it.  Watch the flames lick it into ashes.  Then write one positive thing you want to bring into your life.  Read it, then put it under a piece of apple, an orange, a kiwi...doesn't matter.  What matters, is that you do this each day for 10 days from 12/12/12-12/21/12 and on the 10th day you eat the fruit.  Let go of what you do not need and accept what you do need from the universe,"

Under a star speckled sky, I burnt {saying snotty, hurtful things to Mr. Scabs}
then, I picked another orange from the tree,
                                 and placed it on the counter-top with the word 
                                     {gentleness} underneath it.

Monday, December 10, 2012


Hello all!

It's the holidays.  How are y'all doing?  I know it can be a little rough.
Is Insanity creeping her way into your Sanity?
I've had a few of my own little moments.

I'd like to introduce our sister, friend and winner of the Insanity Challenge.
Congratulations "Jangle"!

Your gift is on it's way...please forgive my extended blog vacation!
And, if you've emailed me I'm working to get back to you soon.

My friend Insanity lives in my head along with me, myself and I. She’s a wild haired, rebellious woman 

with long red fingernails and a wicked gleam in her eye. She’s tall and slim but very strong. 

Coffee is her vice along with biscuits, cake and toast. 

She takes NO SHIT from anyone.  

She’s sexy, smart and psycho! She loves speed - the kind you experience in a car. 

She adores standing up to road hogs!!! She has no fear when it comes to teaching those hogs a 

good lesson and screeches manically when she out wits them!

Insanity has got a really foul attitude, she tells everyone to get knotted and not in those words! 

She's hyper-sensitive to any hint of criticism and reacts without pause, often leaving chaos in her wake. 

She’s to blame for encouraging me to kick a hole through our bedroom door. 

One time she grabbed my hand and splashed the hot tea in my mug 

over the back the couch my husband was sitting in and it caught him on the shoulder. 

She swears like a trooper and revels in the flood of endorphins they pump through her system.  

I love her even though she’s a bad influence!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

How To Kill a Mustache

Taking a quick break from my bloggy vacation to bring you this
 hand-picked, manly video from Mr. Scabs.

Go ahead and laugh.  
It's funny.

I'll be back on Monday with lots of new things to talk about!  

Yours truly,
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