Sunday, November 18, 2012

anniversary of what?

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November 18, 2012

I had all but forgotten about it.  Stricken from my calendar as a date never to remember.  To pass in time without even a nod to it's previous meaning.  Until I opened and read the handmade card wishing a Happy Anniversary.

With that simple phrase I am taken, whisked away like Scrooge on his midnight adventures with the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future.  Touching down, silent, throughout my life's story.  A mirror to the past. How has this one date come to be filled with so much?

The anniversary of what?

The day I was married, sealed to the man I loved.  Hopeful of the life ahead of us.
The day my husband gave himself to me.  Ironically, he had saved himself till marriage.
The day we discovered the child in my belly was a girl.  Promise of new life.
The day I looked into his hollow eyes and felt the empty coldness in his heart and in my bed.
The day I thought I'd never survive.

The day I had all but forgotten till I read the handmade card wishing a Happy Anniversary.


  1. We don't celebrate ours either. Hugs, April.

  2. April..tears for you my friend! Hugs and prayers:)

  3. Yeah annis suck big time...I think I will need to have a recommitment ceremony or something and have a new day, because all I now associate my wedding day with is his bullshit.

    Men are such silly rabbits sometimes...

  4. I'm so sorry today is hard, scabs. The handmade card shows some sweetness though, no? And probably a lot of effort. All for you, just you, the person he wishes could have a happy anniversary but for his past mistakes. On down days I try to focus on little things like handmade cards and big things like survival of the unimaginable. And that's future-oriented. The rear-view mirror is important but we'd get in a lot of driving accidents if we didn't look ahead too. Thinking of you today and please know you've made a lot of futures more bright by your insight & sharing.

    1. Thank you Erica. These are the kindest words. And words I need to hear. I'm so thankful for all of you.

  5. I wish that as human beings... we wouldn't have special/horrid memories tied to dates. Mine is December 8th and the 17th. The day my marriage began and then the day it crumbled. Thinking of you scabs. You really are awesome.

  6. I think all important dates that become worth remembering live on in infamy...but that is because we can never erase our pasts, only learn from them.

  7. Oh my dear Scabs, this must be why you have been on my mind a lot lately. What a tough month. An anniversary still marks that you have been through this all together, that there is green growing in that plant potted years ago. I love you so.

  8. Thank you to all of you for sharing your love with me. Thanks for your thoughts and your strength. love you all



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