Friday, August 3, 2012

Premonition






{The Scabs family is taking the last few weeks of summer off and away from most electronics. A vacation.   I will return August 13th for more of the Scabs Saga.  The following is a re-post.} 

Before I knew anything about Mr. Scabs hidden life, I believed we were happy. We were normal. We were a team, an unbreakable companionship in life. November 2010

So, he packed his bags and gave me a token peck on the cheek as we dropped him off at the airport. Mr. Scabs was going to spend Thanksgiving weekend over seas in another country. I believed he was going to climb a mountain with his friend. We had agreed he could go and I would spend the week with my in laws.

Underneath it all. I wasn't happy.  I had a feeling something was going to go horribly wrong. Mr. Scabs answered matter of factly, "nothings going to happen."

It was a perfect Thanksgiving with snow and family and delicious food.   As perfect as it was, I felt an undertone.  Like a gentle riptide swirling around my feet growing with strength every minute.

November 22, 2010.  Shaking and sweaty, I belted out obscenities...F-bomb obscenities, the kind I don't say in real life.  Screaming!!  Howling!!  I had just caught my husband sleeping with a woman who wasn't me!  I blinked my eyes and realized it was the middle of the night and my kids were snuggled next to me fast asleep.  I  sighed...
it was just a nightmare.

'The likelihood of my husband cheating on me would be the same as the likelihood of him murdering me.  Impossible, he would never do it.  I couldn't fathom it's possibility.'  

I read this somewhere, it's about a woman who explained the depth of shock associate with her cheating husband.  It made so much sense to me.   He would never kill me...he would never cheat on me.

Then next day I was shaken and bothered.  I told myself, "There's no way.  I trust his fidelity.  He loves us. He loves me."

November 23, 2010.  Sweaty and thrashing I screamed out again. The nightmare repeated itself!  As, i lay myself back on the pillow, breathing, doubting my sanity, pulling out my hair, I heard a voice.

"You won't divorce him."

I whispered back, "hell ya, I will."

5 comments:

  1. This gives me the chills, Scabs!!

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  2. Nuts that our subconscious can twist in to our dreams like that. I think this is a sign of trauma, because I remember similar nightmares and thrashings. And then that fear stays inside of you all day! UGH! But I love the final kick... HA!

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  3. When I was dating my husband I had similar thoughts and dreams. When we would talk of the future, the thought of pornography would ALWAYS creep up. But I had known him for five years at that point, I knew him SO well and I loved him so much. In my eyes, he was perfect and he would never look at such filth. I know those thoughts and dreams were promptings to talk to him about it. Had I found out after we were married, I would have left him right there but because I found out before, I was able to make my own decision. I don't know why there is such a difference but the Lord knows me and knew when I needed to know. When things get hard, I always think of the day after I found out. I spent most of it at the temple and somehow found the answers I needed to keep me going. He's no longer perfect in my eyes, but because he's working so dang hard to change, I love and respect him more.

    Our Secret Battles

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  4. I had one of those too. Sometime around october or november last year, I was sleeping with my husband at my parents camp house. I had a nightmare, a horrible one, he was cheating on me. I remember I screamed like a mad woman in that dream, the anguish, the pain, ripping my heart out. I woke up and told him. He hugged me and said: You know I would NEVER do that to you. (the worst thing is he stared right inside my eyes)

    Yeah right. DDay was on March 4th this year.

    Surely, he would never do that. Silly me... i believed his words.

    Our minds are so funny and marvelous, and sometimes cruel. I know it was a good thing this happened to me, cause that nightmare kind of prepared me for the real thing. I really dont know, but I still remember that particular incident.

    K.

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    Replies
    1. I think a lot of us experience something similar to this. Maybe to prepare us or warn us or whatever...all i know is that I never would have found out if the idea hadn't come to me in such vivid nightmares. I wonder if I would still be in the dark, thinking life was fine.

      that's a terrible thought.

      Delete

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