Thursday, July 12, 2012

Measuring Success

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Nineteen months have passed since the series of nightmares that exposed Mr. Scab's sex addiction. I thought I'd die and never find my pulse.  

I took this survey June 2011 and forgot about it until I was recently reintroduced and remembered I'd saved the results.  For kicks, I took it again tonight and I couldn't resist posting the results.  Go ahead, analyze me.  I've made some improvements.  Wow!  

I can see what I've been working on and what I can work on next.  I like this!


It's more proof that we can heal.  We can be happy.  We can find peace.  The terrible hell and bottomless pit in your gut can rejuvenate.  



June 2011 Survey Results

Researchers recognize 10 categories, or subscales, of affect that someone's sex addiction can have on his/her partner. The chart below represents your responses in each category:



CategoryLittle/No ImpactMinor ImpactModerate ImpactStrong ImpactVery Strong Impact
Feelings of VictimizationX
Intimacy ImpairmentX
ShameX
Sexual Anorexia/AversionX
Sexual DysfunctionX
Body Image IssuesX
Obligatory SexX
Compulsive SexX
FearX
Anger/RevengeX

July 2012 Survey Results 

CategoryLittle/No ImpactMinor ImpactModerate ImpactStrong ImpactVery Strong Impact
Feelings of VictimizationX
Intimacy ImpairmentX
ShameX
Sexual Anorexia/AversionX
Sexual DysfunctionX
Body Image IssuesX
Obligatory SexX
Compulsive SexX
FearX
Anger/RevengeX

Try it.  
Take the survey now, save your results and take it again in a few months.

Measure your success.

22 comments:

  1. The true healing will occur on the day we stop taking theses tests..because we dont need to.

    The true healing will occur on he day we stop blogging about all this.

    The true healing will occur when we stop commenting on bologs on sex addiction.

    I am no longer with my SA but i still read up about sex addiction and comment on it.

    True healing will occur when i am able to give up on that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Although i am taking surveys, writing/reading blogs and commenting, no one can honestly tell me true healing hasn't happened.

      Because true healing has occurred for me.

      I can attest for this. My sponsor and 12-step group can attest to this. My family can attest to this. My therapist can attest to this. My friends and all those involved in my recovery can attest for this. My Father in Heaven can attest to my true healing too, after all, it is by his hand that I am able to be whole.

      Believe it or not, but even this test, this tiny survey, points to change and true healing.

      None of the activities you mention above have hindered my genuine healing. In fact, quite the opposite has happened.

      I'm sorry that it has not been healing for you. Maybe it's time to set some personal boundaries with blogs, comments and surveys.

      Delete
    2. I love your reply here Scabs. Again, this is such a personal journey, no cookie cutter approach here. What feels healing and cathartic for one, might have the very opposite affect on the other. I believe whole heartedly that healing is evidenced by our willingness to be open and share. Its step 12 after all..the last of the steps in that road map to healing. I have personally found the blogs etc to be so so helpful to my process, but imagine a year ago I might not have been able to handle it. Amazing how we can each be facing many of the same trials, yet recovery looks so different for each of us!

      Delete
    3. I am so glad you responded to this comment scabs. We can heal from this. You are living proof of this. I have had to take a break from reading blogs once in a while just to wrap my mind around what is happening in my own situation, I would become to involved emotionally in someone else's and project their stuff on to my stuff. But for the most part others that are going through similar things that I am have helped me GREATLY!!! and I am so happy I have found the resources to help see me through this trail. I am sorry Anonymous, that you are still dealing with the pain even though your SA is no longer with you. very hard place to be in I am sure.

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    4. take care of yourself. I'm glad you could walk way when you needed to. I imagine someday i will walk away from all this too. Someday this wont be the forefront of my life. But it will always be with me. you guys are like the camels that carry me through the desert. Each one of you have given so much.

      Delete
  2. Right now, i have decided that i will cut down on the time i spend on reading and writing about sex addiction..that would be my recovery and my healing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This sounds like a good idea. Your pain is obvious to me. Reading seems to have caused you more pain as well. To focus on your healing is the right thing to do.

      Just because we leave our SA doesn't mean healing is automatic. Healing must occur no matter what choice we make. And we treat ourselves with tenderness.

      Focus on you and your new life and all the wonderful things in it. There are so many new possibilities for you.

      This blog is intense, raw and emotional. And it might be all to easy for you to step into my world and feel hurt all over again. I hope you use caution and set your own personal boundaries when reading here. Take care of you.

      Delete
  3. I really like this idea. I'm off to take it right now!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is incredible! I think it's so great that you took that survey, because now that you've taken it again and realized your improvement, seeing your progress can propel you even more forward! There is power in seeing your progress.

    Also, I think it's extremely healthy that you blog about your experiences and what you are learning. By writing about it and sharing it with others, it creates a whole new depth of understanding and a better way to process. So I say keep doing it because you are healing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nice to see your progress. I sometimes forget that my healing doesn't always depend on what the addict does for me, but what I do for myself is what really matters. So good for you for setting your boundaries, and doing the WORK. I know it is hard work

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Olives, I think that 100%. My healing has to do with me totally. How could I heal from such awful things If was waiting for Mr scabs to make the "right" choices. I'd be in no-man's land.

      Im so thankful for a body, mind and heart that I can control.

      there is no denying, when mr scabs makes positive progress it is easier to heal. I have felt both sides of this coin. When he isn't healing or had no interest in healing, i had a harder time moving forward and making my own decision. it was like a prison. being paralyzed and not able to do the hard work. But then slowly i began to move forward and my small actions keep rolling bigger and making a larger impact on my healing. It really is all about you.

      Delete
  6. Hi Scabs,
    I read the comment above about the person walking away from blogging, commenting, and SA meetings. And I thought of the steps-how they are a life long commitment. I thought of the me that used to say I don't need anyone..I don't need the Savior..I can do this alone. I was wrong and it took me hitting the bottom emotionally to accept that could not heal on my own. The steps...teach me to measure my progress through inventory in step 4 and daily inventory in step 10. They day I walk away-stop commenting, stop going to the meetings, stop participating in the steps and my healing is the day I will decend to the pit of apathy for myself..and apathy for God and Savior. Recovery is an individual process. I took the same test-for the first time a few days ago. And my results were much like your results in the first test. So I have much work to do. Your transparency in sharing your results, sharing your thoughts on this blog, sharing what works for you and what doesn't is courageous. And you are helping me and others to see the both the pain and the healing that can come as recovery is sought. Thank you for your brave and compassionate efforts. I appreciate you. Peggy.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am sorry that i was unable to be more lucid and convey what i was trying to say.

    Let me make one more attempt.

    Prior to discovery day all that i knew about sex adiction was when i read about some celebrity or another.

    It did not form part of my daily life.

    Post discovery it has become a major part of my life in the sense that i tried to make myself knowledgeable by reading as much as i could on the net, books etc.

    I have taken every possible test available,read about co dependency, have counselling sessions etc.

    I am in a much better place today than where i was a few years ago.

    I have reclaimed my life.

    I have healed ..but not completely.

    Today,i need the recovery programs,counselling and lot many other things.

    And ,scabs,no your blogs and others do not open my wounds.Far from it.

    Your experiences and your painful journey help me in healing even today when i am no longer with my SA.

    its only people who have fought in a war who can understand the horrors of war.

    But, i long for a day when sex addiction should not be a part of my daily life ,as it wasnt pre discovery day.

    And ,not reading blogging on sex addiction would not make me apathetic, it would just put me in a place in life where the process of recovery is complete and i would be completely and truly healed.

    I dream of that day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I understand. Thank you for your clarity. I hope for the same healing for all of us. I know it's out there. The damage from the insane turn of events in our lives is beyond words or even comprehension.

      I resonate with what you say when I scream and throw my fists into my pillow begging for a time machine to take me back to a day of innocence.

      Oddy, I find myself now wondering if that is what I would really want? Would I really want to go back there?

      Delete
  8. I just retook mine from May, so not a lot of time, but my fear category went from strong to moderate. :) I know there are changes in me and my life. So much from just months ago, and many from a year ago. I can see those things beyond this test. I have others that are seeing it too and saying so. As I look back at my journalings I can see a big difference. I'm glad I did it, not knowing it would really help me see changes and growth in myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seeing the difference in myself was eye opening. Sometimes I really wonder what kind of progress I'm really making. Congratulations of your amazing changes too!

      Delete
  9. Scabs!! I've missed you for some reason, not for a lack of you blogging, just a lack of me visiting. Sometimes I feel weird reading these posts and comments. I don't want to be here under false pretenses, and I do not struggle with healing in my life from the issues directly associated with sexual addiction. I understand that I am a very blessed woman in that my husband is not a sex addict. Of course, I believe and understand that none of us are perfect, and that any of us could fall into a sinful way of the world in an instant.

    However, what drew me to you originally, was that I have close friends and family who have struggled with these issues in their lives and the hurt and devestation wrought from it. I enjoy/take refuge in your life and your lessons as a way to understand and love my family members through their addictions and what it does to their families.

    Thanks for being real, honest and understanding on your blog. I hope you get to know me over time and are OK with my presence here, even though I'm not directly affected, even though I am affected in some way or another.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No worries Twiggy! You're not the only one here that isn't struggling directly with addiction. YOu are welcome here and I understand how you'd feel weird but please don't. I'm amazed that you'd even want to read or be interested. So, go ahead, tell us your thoughts.

      Delete
  10. Scabs you are so very right..though as i said earlier that i long for the pre discovery days i actually dont want to be there.

    Whatever the cost,i am glad i found whatever needed to be found.

    That was a make believe world we lived in with a make believe man.

    If my husband has just come back from a hooker i may or may not continue being with him. But i definitely want to know.

    I do not want to be living with him out of ignorance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sometimes i beat myself up for having been so blind. the lying and hiding is just as terrible as his actions. sick

      Delete

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