Friday, June 22, 2012

Speak!


"There is no greater agony than bearing an 
untold story inside you"

-Maya Angelou

Do you know her?  She can do hard things and so can we.  

Born into the Great Depression and a volatile family life Maya found herself bounced between her mother and grandmother's home.  By the time she was three her parents divorced.  Her father sent Maya and her brother on a train to live with their grandmother.   At the age of seven,  the children returned to live with their  mother.   During this time she was sexually abused and raped by her mother's boyfriend.  A horrifying experience for a little girl.  An experience felt by too many children.  She lived in silence for the next five years, terrified her voice had murdered the man who raped her.  

She found her voice and told her brother of the abuse and rape, who in turn, told her family.  The boyfriend spent one day in jail before he was released and four days later he was found murdered!  This twist of events, forever changed Maya.  In her child's mind she believed 
her words had killed the man who raped her.  
Her words had killed a man!  Imagine that.

She determined to never speak again and for the next five years she didn't.  In her silence she was again shipped to her grandmother's home.  It is from this experience that she learned to be one of life's greatest observers.  Her eyes and ears catches lifes peculiarities and infractions of light.  

We are given the divine power to instigate a great metamorphosis in our lives.  We are not bullied by our tragedies or those around us.   We are defined by the actions we take to discover our own divinity.  Maya grew from victim and dysfunction to one of the worlds most beloved authors and activists, speaking out for those who could not.

What will you do with your story?



credit


16 comments:

  1. I love this! Because it shows that one of the most incredible people in the world has a hard story but she turned it in to something great! Sometimes I feel that because I now have a "story" -- or a tragic event that occurred -- that I am now tainted, that I have a vulnerable place that I need to hide from the world. But thinking of people like Maya makes me realize how she drew power from that and she became so influential! I want to be like that!

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    1. I know, I'm just so inspired by her! I want to be like her too.

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  2. My husband is doing so much work right now on opening up, understanding vulnerability, and in particular, the negative impact of shame -- this fits in so perfectly with what we've been discussing at our house!

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  3. I agree with the concept but no one is going to give me an award for staying with my addict husband. When you have cancer, death, poverty, pain that people can talk about and see you have people rally behind you. People babysit for you when illness strikes, people give you games and books to read during chemo, people send flowers when your child dies, when you survive a tragic accident you are on the Today show and magazine covers; no one is rallying behind me for trying to keep my family intact, no one sends me flowers when my husband binges on pornography, no one babysits my kids when I find out my husband had sex with a prostitute from Craigslist, and I am so devastated I cant get out of bed. Sorry to be a downer-I just hurt, and I am hurting alone.

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    1. I'm so sorry "anonymous" for your pain. I understand your anger and hurt. It's OK to feel it. I've felt it many times. This is a very lonely place to be. It can be very consuming and isolating. The thing is, people don't know what to do. They don't know how to "handle" women like us or women in our "situation." But that is where our strength must shine. Be strong for you, not for anyone else. I promise you that anyone is traumatic pain feels the pain still even with all the gifts and flowers and attention. You still have to deal with it and go through it. And for me, in regards to this post, it helped to read "survivor stories." People who had survived the impossible. That helped me. It gave me strength that I could indeed survive "my impossible."

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    2. Anon,

      I GET THIS COMPLETELY! It felt as if my husband died that day, like I buried him in the ground.... and yet, no one knew... I was alone... in such horrific hurt.... alone... it was the very worst time in my life...

      Once I opened up to trusted individuals and asked for help when I needed it the most, suddenly I felt like I had the support of the world (even if it was only a few people who really knew what was going on).

      Is there anyone you can confide in? Anyone you can ask to help you out from time to time? Obviously I don't know your whole story or situation, but I do know how isolated this time can be.

      Sending you my love... if I could I would rally around you and hug you and comfort you as best I knew.

      Scabs,

      MARVELOUS POST! I love this! Our voices are our power... and for the first time in my life, I know what I want to do with my story! And you know.... it feels UNBELIEVABLE! I can't wait to wake up each morning...

      Thanks for sharing this. I needed it today!

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    3. Ok anon, I just have to point out that there are at least four people here that have your back. And really, if you stick around here anythings possible...even getting an award for staying with your addict husband and fighting for your family. Whatever happens, we are here for you and if you hadn't spoken neither Jacy, Bubbles or Elsie would have been able to offer their support. I know each of those girls have been through hell-some with craigslist and some without-if we speak we can support each other. You have been called to battle and we are your biggest supporters.

      Plus, ive decided, screw the silence, stereotypes and shame...I'm gonna talk about this terrible addiction that thrives in secrecy. We can kill it with our words, just like maya.

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    4. Anonymous,
      I feel your pain and have gone through this too, the whole craigslist thing and prostitutes and not being able to get out of bed..it is beyond traumatizing..if I could babysit your kids or send you flowers I would..just remember you are valued, you are loved and you are worth something...this is his sickness..everyday try and think of something if not one thing you are greatful for...as I lied in my own bed I would do this even though my physical energy was gone I would here the birds singing to each other somehow that noise helped me they were happy singing to each other or just flying around high and I would imagine myself free free as a bird from the pain...

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  4. After being fairly silent for almost six months and only opening up to an unqualified counselor and an unsupportive group - I began telling my story here, on Blogger. Now, I'm no longer ashamed nor do I feel alone. I've found a rockin' counselor, changed blogger IPs, found a great S-Anon group and am working my 12-steps. It is freeing to find a voice and to educate people who never heard of SA before they stumbled across my blog.

    @Anonymous, it can get better. You're doing great by reaching out to these wonderful ladies for support. Keep coming back. They understand. We all have different stories but share a common bond. You will learn to do for YOU and to take care of YOU first and foremost. Once you can do that a little each day, your strength will grow. Sending loving vibes your way.

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  5. Thanks, and sorry for changing the positive tone of the post. She did rise above so much, I am just in such a bad place right now-and still wishing it could be different.

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    1. Dont be sorry. This is a safe place to vent and scream and cry if you need too. What you feel is real. Feel what you need to feel...I'm a believer expressing whatever emotions you posses-happiness, fear, sadness, forgiveness, anger, joy, bitterness...whatever. Your thoughts are appreciated.

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  6. I love this blog I think it would be great to have some kind of retreat and recovery with all of you...The friends I confided in who were my friends since childhood really have abandoned me one of them told her teenage daughter about my marital issues who then told one of my daughters friends that "I can't hold on to a man" makes me sick so I have decided not to bother with backstabbers it is a lonely place,as I feel like I have no girlfiends anymore I havefriends but they were the ones who I would go out with the most..which has been hard as well I feel a double loss... I was in a deep depression for quite some time and unable to want to talk to anybody..all i could do is go to work and try to take care of my 4 children and try to heal..it's been very difficult as my husband really is crazy..has not gone for help wants to come back and forth into my life..I have no feelings for him what so ever...as he continues to lie even about stupid things ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! No trust can be ever built again if one can't be honest....so I am going to have a new dream a new vision the one that God created just for me...to be peace, love and joy and everyday smell the roses and gifts of life around me...Evil has no place in my home!!! Wow I feel much better after that rant sooo I will live to make a difference in the world that is around me, I will be a strong role model for my daughters to say I deserve to be cherished and loved and so do they.

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    1. oh yeah, I think a lot of us can relate to feeling so isolated and alone. Meeting up with such great women here online has been so great and I've lucky enough to meet some of them in person. A get together would be fantastic...where do you live?

      I love the new vision you have for your life!

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    2. I live in New Jersey but I get around to the West coast too as I have family there...

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  7. I too have thought it would be so nice to meet up in person with you ladies! OUr bond runs deep knowing and feeling many of the same things that this addiction has brought into our lives. I love this post. I've about hit my point where I just want to tell people how it is because really I did nothing wrong and this is my life so why shouldn't people see it?

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  8. Finally opening up and talking about this has been a huge part of my recovery and mr scabs too. The secrecy drives me bananas!

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hi

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