|Please laugh. Credit here|
From Xena @Killing Cupid
Hope you can do it from time to time.
I would like to do this again. It has been one of the biggest helps in my recovery and relationship. I think there is a side bar link, ASK MR SCABS, so ask a question whenever you'd like and I'll take the time to answer. I really like being part of the discussion. Thank you.
Hey Mr. Scabs. Well, I am not sure how I can post asking a question, but it is really helpful to have your honesty and explain how your addiction affects you. I still struggle to accept that porn viewing/masturbation is a "disease." I suppose since my relationship disintegrated with my ex, he seems to be fine while I have been a mess for so long. He couldn't care less I am gone or what he has done. I will never know the truth from him no matter how many times I ask. what is baffling though is how he has told me numerous times that porn is horrible, that it is not okay and I should never be okay with it. Yet, he is willing to date other girls or get married to someone else. It's like what why is he telling me that but is interested in other girls? I simply assume he is trying end things with me by using his "problem" as an excuse to end it with me rather than just say he doesn't have feelings anymore. I just don't think he cares or feels guilty about viewing porn. Here I am still trying to determine or believe it really does affect a person simply b/c everyone views porn and dismisses that it is even destructive by any means.
I told myself and my wife the same lies your hearing. No matter what, any form of pornography is destructive for men or women. Look at what it did to me, my wife and my family.
It destroys a man by making them lose affection for their wife, children, reality and real intimacy. It leaves the door open for even worse things. It destroys a woman by making her feel worthless and debased, compared, not loved, jealous, hurt and self conscience. There's just so many bad things. There are no pro's, all cons.
I think it sounds like he's having the same intimacy issues. Does he think he's immune and that the same cycle won't happen with the new girls he dates or marries? I would put money on that but I'm an x-gambler, so i wont. Don't accept porn on any level. An addict will say one thing and do another. Thousands of times I told my wife one thing and did the opposite. His actions simply won't match his words. Maybe he doesn't feel like changing. Maybe he feels trapped in his addiction. I know women hear this all the time and have a hard time believing it or understanding it. But, I ll say it again, my addiction was never about my wife.
I'm sorry you're feeling so badly. I know that without him, without all his unanswered questions and words/actions that don't match up. There is a place where you can find happiness and know that his actions are his own. Like my wife says, it's a terrible trauma to go through something like this and I'm sorry you have lived it.