Friday, April 20, 2012

Twins, Porn and Shelley Lubben

my thoughts on the porn industry
Photo Credit
Follow the story. 
Read the previous entry here.

When I was 5 we lived in Montana on Blue Bell Rd in a yellow house.  I loved that house.  It was perched on a gravel road where I learned how to ride my blue banana seat bike (the blue-light special).  Trying to balance and steer my front wheel through the thickly laid gravel, I crashed into a parked car and had lots of skinned knees!

The house was part of a new development with other homes scattered near-by surrounded by empty lots and fields.  To my 5 year old eyes the backyard was enormous.  My parents grew a jungle of corn that in the spring began as soft green shoots and by summers end were a wild leafy wilderness.  In fall, the crunchy yellowed stalks were constructed into a tee-pee.  My brother and I played endlessly.  At the far end of the yard there was a small hill leading up to a canal.  It had no fence, in fact we had maneuvered a rotting 2x6 board across the canal to use as a bridge so we could feed the horses on the other side.  How we didn't drown, I have no idea.

Twins lived a few houses down from us.  Ricky and Randy.  They were fun kids with huge buck teeth smiles, brown skin and blonde hair.  They also had a kick-butt swing set in the back yard.  When you were swinging it was like flying!  We'd drag an empty garbage can up the canal hill and then one of us would get inside and roll down inside the can.  It was the most painful kind of fun.  We'd get knocked around and bruised and smashed but jump out laughing and drag the can back up the hill for more.  Ricky, Randy, my brother and I were best friends.

t was with these twins and my younger brother that I discovered the secret delights of pornography.  

While wandering in the fields near our house we found a magazine under a pile of pallets.  It was a magazine with naked girls!  This was my sex education.  I was 5.  The boys were more ennamored than I was but I can't deny the warm sexual excitement growing inside me.  A natural instinct burgeoning prematurely in my life.

I had been introduced to sex and sexuality, which flipped a switch and couldn't be reversed.

We were proud of ourselves gaining the attention of the older older boys in the neighborhood and promised we'd show them the magazine.  Marching through the field, grasshoppers flying in every direction, we led the boys to the secret hiding spot.  One of the boys took the magazine home and later I heard he got in trouble.  His mother had found the mildewy mess under his bed.

Although the we no longer had the visuals of the nude 1980's styled girls, we couldn't forget them.  Our play was riddled with conversations about, sex and wieners and boobs.  We giggled about the older girl across the street that confessed she slept naked.  And were questioned by the older boys who wanted to know if we'd found any more magazines.  All this was followed by "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."  We had become sexualized 5-year old kids educated by pornographers.

The next year, we said good-bye to Ricky and Randy.  My family packed our bags and moved to another city.

So many are blind; thinking pornography is a victim-less habit.  Or, that sex with prostitutes is between consenting adults and it's their business.  These aren't just guilty pleasures.  

Pornography includes a myriad of ugliness.

Shelley Lubben is fascinating.  I love her.  She was that woman, the woman on the other side of the screen, the porn star.  Get a box of Kleenex and watch this clip.  The horrors she tells are unreal!  She is a savior and healer to many and fights for lives everyday.  The Pink Cross Foundation, is her home base.  I could barely scan across the interviews with other former porn stars describing their own abuse.  Read her site with caution, it is disturbingly graphic.


Sadly, pornography is as much about supply and demand as gas and oil prices.  Simply put, these women, men and children are commodities, like cattle.  I cannot handle this!  I want to fight too.

The awful reality is that my husband contributed to the growing disease of sex-trafficking in my city.  He knows now, with the bitter taste of sobriety that his actions weren't victimless.  We are fools to believe that porn is just a tool for pleasure.  That if we accept porn on a mild level that we're progressive and cool.     I spent many years in my marriage making believe that pornography was ok.

This blog post sent me reeling and I had to voice my opinion.  I hope you do too.

Have you heard about the Groupon to a tourture porn stuido?  It's unimaginable!  Groupon is on my blacklist.  Porn Harms is fighting this battle.

The truth is told through many voices.  Even, Annie Lobert, sex-trafficked survivor and founder of Hookers For Jesus.  I love that name, funny but true.  She's freeing victims of sex-trafficking on the Vegas Strip, the city with no soul.

We are part of a revolution demanding the safety of our daughters, sons, husbands and wives.  It's a revolution against power and money, sex abuse and lies and we're going to win.


  1. Pretty powerful statistics and really makes you think about this industry. Changes my thoughts. Thanks for this awesome info!!

  2. Yes, YES and YES!! Thanks for speaking out. I need to speak out more.

  3. I've been reading your blog all along - but this is my first time commenting. Thank-you, April!! Thank-you for speaking out against porn! I sent my email to the Groupon execs, can't believe they are selling tours of that trash. Disgusting.
    I love the group Porn Harms!! Glad you referenced them. They are the best group, and I'm doing what I can to help the fight in my local area.
    I admire your gift with words. I thought your comment on the mormon missionary position blog post was PERFECT.

    1. Thanks for being here! The abuse of human life is beyond disturbing to me! We cannot allow it. I really appreciate you comment and your action. I'm trying to figure out what I do locally too. What do you do? Id love some ideas. Thanks again!

  4. sing it, sister! your response to mormon missionary position was incredible.

  5. April, thank you for speaking out. My husband like so many men and boys that view pornography, Are good Men and would never Stand for the abuse that happens in this industry if they truly understood what was happening. They remove them self's so far from reality, That they don't see that it is real people on the other side of that screen, or photo. I also hate that this addiction contributes to this horrible industry where young frighted men and women feel it is their only choice. The Mormon missionary position Blog makes ME want to scream!!!!!!
    Shelly Lubben is one of the Bravest women I have ever seen, She is wonderful.

  6. I was one of those women who thought pornography was ok. I thought i was forward-thinking, a modern day woman. But now I see how foolish I was! The other side of porn and even prostitution is something that the average person sees. Now having learned the true nature of abuse and sex trafficking I cannot stand still!

  7. I am so glad you posted on that blog! Oh my heavens, that is so frustrating. Good for you April!

  8. I was also introduced to sex far too early, and feel exactly the same as you - a switch that was flipped, far to early, but once it's done, it can't go back. It CHANGED me, as a child. I was no longer innocent, and became quiet and insecure. I didn't trust any longer. Porn had everything to do with it, because I was abused by a neighborhood boy who was only a year older than me, and his idea of sex was something no 6 or 7 year old should have. It could only have come from porn. And he taught me.

    Your story here so far on the blog is so heartbreaking. THANK-YOU for sharing. It's helping.

    1. Annon, you're story is beyond heartbreaking! Its terrible terrible. You're so young and its so unfair! And hurtful. how are you now? Even though I couldnt really see it, this affected so much of myself as an adult too. And as a mother and wife. Like u said, it changes everything.

  9. I too have lost 10 years of my life on account of my relationship with a sex addict. I also had been exposed to pornography at a very young this somehow responsible for the fact that we are unable to detect the abnormal ity in the sex addict because our views about sex and sexuality have somehow been formed by this early exposure to pornography?

    1. i wish i knew the answer to that. I don't know, maybe. All I know is porn is a disease that's wiping out human-kind!

  10. I am so mad at this Mormon Missionary blog...I can't believe how many people commenting on it are so blind. Thanks April for speaking out...your comment was perfect:)



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