Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I love women

I love my femininity.  I love the softness, the kindness and the compassion I feel as a woman. I love the strength and gentleness of my body.  I love the confidence I feel.  I love that my body can give life.  I love my virtue.  I love how women connect and bond and love.  I love that I can be a tomboy and lace everything I do with that mysterious something that is distinctly feminine.

Although the world may show us the stereotypes of women, I don't believe them.  I don't believe who they say I should be.  I don't believe what they say I should wear or what kind of mother, wife, sister I should be.  I don't believe them.  I don't believe what they say my body should look like and how I should love.

I can't help but believe there's some very intimate unrevealed purpose to my life as a woman.  Almost as if being a woman is God's hidden advantage.  An ace up His sleeve.  I feel this divine draw to my sense of self-worth.  It's the core of my self-esteem.  Being a woman is an integral piece of my identity.  It is my purpose and it's what I love most about me.

The stinging blow of my husbands cheating has introduced doubt.  Are my boobs too small?  Am I not sexy enough? Asian enough?  Fun enough?

I can't believe those lies either.


  1. not Asian enough...LOL

    when I found the cyber sex my h was kind enough to leave for me--OPEN, on MY laptop, in July 2006, he was telling one of his fuck buddies about my small breasts.

    I'm small everywhere. (except in height).

    That's the womb man he married!

    what a fucking loser!


  2. I've been developing a blog along a similar line based on how I felt when I split with my latest Beau who I'm fairly sure was not an SA.

    I can't imagine a woman treating anyone (male or female) as "A couple of decent body parts" Our love for our fellow humans (male or female) most often has a nurturing component.

    I guess that is why (naively) I still was shocked when I found out that is pretty much what I had been to him (body parts).

    Women are capable of being bitchy and playing games but many men seem to be rather basic creatures on the whole, and hostage to their biology in a different way.

  3. I found your blog today. I'm reading it all out of order frantically trying to put all the pieces together. (It's the kind of mystery novel that I can never figure out and I hate that....but still can't put it down.)

    Anyway. This post, so far, is my favorite. Perhaps it was the first one I could relate to (feeling like my femininity is God's Ace) but not really knowing why and what to do about it along with everything else that I'm unsure of in my life.

  4. Hi Ms. apron! You must be a cook. I'm glad you're here!

    The story is a little disjointed but start at post one. It's not all in chronological order but hopefully it makes sense.

    Women are rad!

  5. Haha "asian enough." Love it!

    Truly, this post made me cry (and then I read "asian enough" and I laughed). I love that femininity too. Your words described it so perfectly. The whole time I read, I felt the Spirit telling me that women are so valuable and so delicate and so loved by God. We are so cherished. This next line is going to be so sappy and so stupid (I'm just having a healing day), but I really wish I could feel that way by man. I believe that's why God created a sacred relationship between man and woman, so we could feel what it's like to have another person value us the way that God values us. But I don't feel that. I feel so distrusting today. I wonder if I will ever believe a man when he tells me these things. Right now, it makes me feel repulsed. I feel like they are all lies. Did this happen to you with Mr. Scabs, questioning how much he valued you? Did you heal from this? I'm so irrationally scared of abandonment right now. I don't know what is bringing this on.

    1. I tried calling you but just got your vm. I wonder the same things you do. And i have so many stories to tell about this.



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