Saturday, February 18, 2012

In the beginning...

I was blissfully naive.  I didn't know what would happen when Mr. Scabs left the country on a trip.

November 2010

I was clueless.

I was blissfully naive?

We celebrated our 10 year anniversary November 18th, just days before my head filled with nightmares.

Did the chatter of the restaurant drown out my senses?  Maybe I should have seen the emptiness in his eyes and heard the emptiness in his voice as we talked about our life and remembering the funny way met more than a decade ago.   Was I the only one laughing?  And that night, when he wasn't interested in making love...I should have seen.  Retrospect can be so cruel.

A few years before my husband and I were married he spent some time overseas in a small country (which will not be named for anonymity's sake).  In the last few months of his time overseas he got very sick.  His body went into shock and fell into a coma.

He wasn't expected to live.  His family was told to prepare for a funeral.

In a way that is both miraculous and movie-like Mr. Scabs began to wake from the coma. He was previously a young, healthy, athletic man.  But when he gained consciousnesses it became evident  he couldn't walk, talk or breathe on his own.

He could hear and understand all that was going on around him but could barely communicate with the outside world.  This soccer-playing, mountain-biking, palm tree-climbing man had been reduced to blinking his eyes and a small thumbs-up gesture.

In a way that continues to be miraculous and movie-like Mr. Scabs made a full recovery.  The illness is still the greatest mystery of his life.

Some day, I'll tell this story in more detail.  For now, the only reason I give this background is to explain why I wasn't concerned when Mr. Scabs and his friend planned a trip to the country-that-must-not-be-named over our 10 year anniversary and Thanksgiving break.  I thought he was seeking closure.   

I was never a jealous wife.  I trusted his loyalty.  I always had.  My only concern was for his safety.

 I said, "I wish you wouldn't go, I have a feeling something bad will happen."

 I thought he might get hurt.  My heart was heavy and sick when he packed his bags the next morning.

Something bad did happen.

Follow the story.  


  1. I remember the initial gut feelings and eventually learning how to trust them....

    1. I quickly learned how to trust those gut feelings too. Funny how accurate they are.

  2. Too right. Never again will I explain away my own intuition...

  3. Red flags. Had I seen the same flags waving in front of someone else's husband, I would have sounded the alarm, but not with my WH. Tons of signals...huge clothes, weight loss, working out, working late! Didn't even occur to me that he was cheating. Not once! Damn. I still beat myself up about that.
    Guess I'm smarter now, but what a price to pay for for a few IQ points.
    Hope & Hugs,

  4. So very sorry for your unbelievable pain for everyone here who has the same story.

  5. thanks for you empathy. You're sweet

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  7. I'm so glad to have discovered your site! You eloquently describe that awful, heart-wrenching discovery of sex addiction that so many of us have had to face. I'm sorry to see another sister out there dealing with the same thing I've dealt with in my marriage. You might be interested in my blog, too.
    If not, feel free to delete the link. lol

    Anyway, you sound like a strong person and I wish the best for you!



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