Monday, April 25, 2016

Camp Scabs Scholarship

The time has come for Camp Scabs Georgia!!  And with it...some scholarships!  Remember, scholarships are given for those that are in need.  So many of us struggle to get the help we need because of finances.  We just got a sudden pile of scholarship money from a woman who has been in our shoes.  I can't wait to give it away! :) Camp Details here

Winners will be announced next week.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Camp Scabs: Landing in Georgia

Since my recent connection with Bloom and the Bloom retreats, many have wondered...

"Is Camp Scabs is still a thing?" 

It is still a thing.  Camp Scabs has evolved and the 2.0 version is AMAZING!  

As you know, camp has been a piece of my heart for many years.  I am lucky enough to be trusted by so many of you.  Thank you for coming.   And this spring, for the first time ever, we are crossing over the mountains and heading east!  I can't wait to breathe in the air of Georgia! 

I love Bloom!  I love everything it gives.  The people at Bloom are always searching for the best tools to help us heal, they are honest, good and genuine.  I'm truly honored to be part of their team.  My connection with Bloom has allowed me to keep Camp Scabs philanthropic; a way to give back to my tribe.

The main difference between Camp Scabs and Bloom retreats are professionals.  I always felt the need to bring certified therapists to Camp Scabs --so many of us are dealing with deep wounds.  But, couldn't figure out how to do this without high-jacking the price.  This is where Bloom steps in, we've had Dr. Kevin Skinner and Amy Parks both CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) come and lead sessions at Bloom retreats.  The work of these therapists is not to be undersold.  The best part, we can still keep the price reasonable!  

The other main difference between Bloom and Camp Scabs...Camp Scabs is just a little more wild! cause we burn shit

This summer we have some cool things happening: Georgia, Michigan (hosted and dreamed up by a Camp Scabs Alumni) and Wyoming...see the 2016 event calendar for registration and details.  See ya'll soon!

Monday, March 28, 2016

spin cycle

Holla! The powers that be at Bloom have come up with a reduced reservation for April's retreat...because I want you to come (and we got some scholarship money and are able to make a price reduction for the last few spots)!

This morning I talked with a few women who want to come to the April 13-16 Bloom Retreat: Body, Mind and Soul.  I heard their stories and shared their experiences.  And with all of us, the desire is the same:

Shake fear.

Throw off uncertainty.
Invest in a healthier body.
Commit to a clearer mind.
And, discover our bright hearts.

One woman said it so beautifully, "I want my equilibrium back!"

It's funny, cause the moment I typed the word 'equilibrium' I could hear my washer start to bang out of whack.  You know, the telltale sounds of an unbalanced load going through a spin cycle!  So, I lift the lid and move the towels around, and start the cycle again.  And without a hiccup, it whirls and spins.

Do you hear the telltale sign of unbalance?  And, if you're reading this article, I gather you may feel like you're in the spin cycle.  Often we can't control the spin cycle and a lot times there's value in the spinning...but it's the imbalance that leaves us empty and confused.

Here's the deal: 
Reserve your spot between now and April 1st to apply $400 OFF.  

This makes the cost 1100 for the week!!  Call Bloom to make your payment arrangements (flexible payment plans available) or register on the website. Call or text Bloom with questions: 801.406.8994 

This includes food, your own king or queen bed, transportation from airport, therapist Amy Parks, art therapy, yoga, guided meditations and a guaranteed beautiful week.

Join us,  Bloom: Mind, Body and Soul Retreat April 13-16.

Most often I hear women describe the experience as 'life changing'.  Can't wait to see you there!



Friday, March 25, 2016

We are seeds

Each day we wake up to what life gives us and sometimes we step into it feeling bright and brave and other times our light is snuffed out before our first breath... My best friend lost two babies a few years ago...And when I lay next to her in her bed, I dug into the experience of my own pain. I haven't lost a child but I do know the gutted ache of loss... We sobbed as our fingers ran over the tiny baby dress that would never clothe the little girl we grieved.
And what I began to understand is this: pain is pain and it comes to all of us. There is no comparing one being worse than another. And in my own very dark days when taking another sleeping pill made more sense than getting dressed, I knew a choice was in front of me.
What I wish for all of us is that we use our bodies, our minds and our hearts to step forward, to live our beautiful life! It takes time. It takes work. It takes love. It takes trying new things. It takes a smile and a laugh. Who's with me?


Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Jekyll and Hyde

Dear Sugar

The Jekyll and Hyde...even now, 5-years post d-day I still can't reconcile the man I thought I knew as my husband with the man I came to know.  At timecode 15:30 Dear Sugar​ says it best, " can't control what your husband is going to do about his problem, ok? but what you do know is that he has to do something or you can't stay with him...there are two truths, you're not responsible for your husband's life but you are responsible for your own.  Maybe you'll look into your husband's eyes and see that he is very sincere and see that he is going to really tackle this and you're willing to wait and maybe you're going to walk away tomorrow and i think anything you do is the right thing to do."
For me, this was the crux of it. Something had to be done or I knew I couldn't stay.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

waking the dead

It's a little awkward when people talk to you and you just silently smile and nod.

We all nodded and smiled without a word when the tall old salt-n-pepper-haired crater attendant told us our soak time was up.  He tried to make a joke when he said he felt like he was waking the dead. Some of us chuckled but none of us spoke.

Years ago I read a blurb in National Geographic highlighting an incredibly unique geothermal swimming hole in a domed crater, so weird!  I knew it was bucket list material but imagined it in some far away exotic place, turns out it's in Utah; the Homestead Crater.

The first time I saw the dome I was with a bunch of camp scabbers. I thought Morla the giant tortoise from Neverending Story was going to stick his head out and sneeze on me.  What? You've never seen Neverending Story!! Only one of the best movies of 1984.   We went on a whim and without a reservation weren't allowed to swim but one unnamed and unruly camper wore her swimsuit, confidently walked onto the dock and dove into the 95 degree water!  We were all envious of her stolen, under-handed soak!

Since then, I've been three more times and this last time, as part of the Bloom Retreat.  The Bloom retreat is full of awareness, breathing, mindful yoga and meditative practices, so we decided to practice the art of silence at the crater.

In the stillness, the brilliant emerald moss seemed to breathe up the crater wall.  The diamond water dripping from above appeared like fire or stars falling from an inky sky.  In the silence, each diamond fell in slow motion then ker-plopped on the azure surface.  Lying back with my hands behind my head I float weightless, my feet dangling, cradled, as if in mother earth's belly.  It's a strange kind of safety; an exercise in surrender.  I imagine the water tunneling deep below the earth's surface, deep into the heart of the great mother. There she gathers all things that do not serve me.  All thoughts, feelings, actions, traumas, habits that I am able to surrender seem to drip from my body and fall deep into her nurturing heart.   She is the great recycler.  And so, she lovingly gathers all things heavy, dark and useless and makes them light, green and full again.

When I look across the water I see all the Bloom women, lying back, awake in their own silence. The power of this small group of women is so indelible that everyone else in the crater is either silent or whispering.  No one wants to interrupt the peace we have made in this sacred space, no one except the salt-n-pepper haired man making jokes about waking the dead.

The truth is, we did wake up.  We spent a week away from the world;  time reflecting, learning and caring for our bodies, minds and souls.  And during the week, there are a few moments when clarity comes ringing like a bell daring us to act on what we have learned to be true.

Join us, The next Bloom Retreat is April 13-16.  Register here.

camp scabs

Monday, February 1, 2016


Here's a present, an early Valentine's gift from me to you:

We all know the crazy making, the insanity festering, the double-guessing, endless doubting, mad-hatter bark raving nuts feelings of being betrayed. And most of the time it feels hopeless.

But the coolest thing about being alive in 2016 is that we have more resources, help, research and understanding about how to repair such damage. It isn't hopeless!

Remember when I asked y'all to COMMIT to creating a space to heal? This is how. Listen to this podcast while you're walking through your day. Trust the words when they validate you and feel right. Find something in here that makes sense for you and go with it.

Dr. Sue Johnson  and Dr. Kevin Skinner with Bloom share some nitty-gritty awesomeness about betrayal trauma and how to get out of being lost and confused.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

how to forgive

There is a moment in yoga practice, after the working, stretching and twisting where you find yourself lying flat on your back in corpse pose.  Your breathing slows, your body melts and if you're lucky, your teacher plays some incredibly penetrating but soothing music.

This is a moment of death.  And quite literally, the yogis believe that as we lie down we let all things die that no longer serve us.  And, when we rise from this pose, we are born clarified and bright, ready to serve the world.

This morning an old man sat next to me on a bench.  I couldn't ignore him because he just kept talking.  So, I turned to face him and invest in a conversation with a stranger.  Somehow, my life as Scabs came into view.  He spoke about the many marriages and relationship he's seen struggle and about one woman he knows, who has decided to stay with her husband but can't seem to forgive him.

How many of us are staying and struggling to forgive?  How many of us are leaving and struggling to forgive?  And, how many of us can not forgive ourselves?

Tonight, a friend told me that she wants to punch herself in the face.  She doesn't feel she deserves her own forgiveness.

The craziness of not forgiving anyone, especially not forgiving myself was the fuel to my regression. Swimming neck-deep in the darkest pool only sent me into blacker, thicker waters.

Spring 2012 I sat on another bench but on this bench I sat next to my 12-step sponsor.  My most terrifying step was writing a big-fat-crappy-brutally-honest list of all the mistakes I'd ever made.  12-step uses nicer words like: write a personal inventory of all your wrongs.  On that bench, I told my sponsor everything on that list.

The whole process took months, but I did it.  I studied the steps.  I confessed all the hurts and injustices I'd placed on others and harbored in myself.  I searched for ways to say I'm sorry and make restitution.  And from all this, I discovered the excitement and freedom of keeping my side of the street clean.

I love the daily act of bending my knees, talking to my maker each night and saying:

Father, I'm sorry for blah blah blah.  Forgive me and please teach me to be better tomorrow.

The only way I know how to forgive others (even the most awful and unfair of crimes), is to let my own bygones be bygones.

To my friend that wants to punch herself in the face and anyone else struggling to forgive I'd like to tell you this:

We live in an incredibly human world.  The fiery planet Mars is high in the sky right now, some say this causes turmoil and havoc on earth.  If you are feeling this turmoil I suggest that you practice your own corpse pose.  Every night as you go to sleep let all things die that don't serve you.  Practice forgiving yourself.  And in the morning, when you rise, let yourself feel bright and strong.  Own this brightness, because it's from this place I believe I began to forgive Mr. Scabs.

Friday, January 15, 2016

5-day Bloom discount!

Later today, with the push of a button, the Rafflecopter will choose a few random winners for the Bloom Retreat! It's an honor to be gifted with the $$ to pass onto you.

You're emails and notes break my heart as you share how deeply you need this retreat. I want you to know this: despite winning or not winning, COMMIT to giving yourself the space to heal. Whether this means doing what it takes to come to the Bloom Retreat or seeking out a stellar therapist or standing firm with a is never easy but it is always incredibly worth it. Every investment I've committed to my healing has made me the whole and happy woman I am today.  
You can whole and happy too!

Martin Luther King day is right around the corner. This holiday always rings like a bell of freedom in my heart. Freedom from all things toxic. Freedom from inner anguish. Freedom to live my one glorious life!

In honor of this holiday, Bloom has allowed me to give you $500 off, making the total retreat price $1500!!! But only for a few days. This discount is good through Tuesday, Jan 19th. Wednesday morning the price returns to the normal $2000 (but, I have a feeling we will sell out this weekend).
Call the Bloom office (801) 406-8994 and mention my name "SCABS" to get the discount or go to the link below where the discount has already been applied.

Commit to giving yourself the space to heal.


Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Scholarship Time!

Bloom Retreat is right around the corner and I can't wait to meet you all at the door and welcome you to a place where we can disconnect from all things toxic!

Can you imagine?  A place to clear your head and heart; a cabin near Park City, UT with fresh air, fresh snow, cozy fireplaces and emotional safety and seclusion.  Commit to giving yourself this space to heal.

Dr. Skinner, Sariah and I have designed this so you'll have tools that will not only get you off the bathroom floor but get you up out into your great life!  We are busy customizing this exclusive retreat for you.  Today, you are priority, and yes...

YOU belong
YOU deserve it
YOU are good enough

Our week together will include a personal assessment with specific tools for your situation, daily yoga, coping exercises, healthy food, stress releasing activities, music therapy, art, games, are going to laugh and bond but most of all, you are going to heal!

Who:  We invite women of all ages, backgrounds and stages of life to join us.  If you're reading this blog--you're invited.  :)
Where: Park City, Utah
When: Tuesday Feb 16-Saturday Feb 20
Questions: Call or text Bloom (801) 406-8994
email me

Registration Details Here
Ask Bloom about payment plans and insurance coverage
Every bed is single occupancy unless you'd like to share with a sister or friend

Scholarship Raffle is finished
If you applied, an email will be sent to notify everyone.
p.s. hope you win!

Monday, December 28, 2015

Retreats and Fresh Starts

The post Christmas lull always has me thinking about fresh starts.

There's something wonderfully, disgustingly gluttonous about sitting knee-deep in wrapping paper watching the bows and ribbons fly while I stuff my face with chocolate and reach for another handful of carmels all before the sun rises on Christmas morning.  Don't get me wrong, we indulge deeply in the true Spirit of Christmas and I also enjoy giving gifts and watching those I love squeal as they rip paper off a shiny red rider bb gun.  How can I not bow down with incredible thanks for all I have been given?

But after all the paper has been cleared away, the new toys have found a place on the shelf and the needles begin to shed from the tree, I feel the anxious need for a fresh start.

Sometimes this fresh start just means cleaning out the garage and other times it means a life overhaul. And really, a life overhaul is a lot like cleaning out the garage, isn't it?

If you're anything like me, we are in the life overhaul category this year.  Actually, I think I might be in the life overhaul category every year... I love metamorphosis!  Time for a fresh start and new wings!

So, it's time to get up, tie our frizzy hair in a top knot, don our favorite cherry lip gloss and sign up for Bloom's new retreat this February near Park City Utah!  I'll be there, telling stories and giving out hugs.  Sariah will be there, leading yoga and making food.  Dr. Skinner will be there, with tools and experience.

This is our year, darling!

Click here for more details and to sign up for the Bloom Retreat

Monday, November 30, 2015


Bisbee wall mural inspiration

In the sticky month of July I called Mr. Scabs mother and announced that I would bring the kids for Thanksgiving!  I love their house, full of love and fun and cousins and baked things.  But most of all, I have fallen in love Mr. Scabs family, who over the years has come to feel like my very own blood. We've held hands through this trauma which rocked all our worlds.  Salt of the earth.

The last few years, Thanksgiving has held some kind of hostage over me.  Shadows of D-day and nightmares and painful wedding anniversaries and paralyzed legs, ya know, just the usual holiday anxiety.  

Some years Thanksgiving floated by without so much as an anxious flutter of my heart.  Other years it passed by as heavily and thickly as any terrible trauma does.  Other times I've felt a simple sense of honor and peace for these experiences.  Ahhh are my achilles heal.  

This year...

10 hours before our flights engine roared and took to the November sky, I called his family and tearfully explained that I couldn't do it this year.  We all cried.  It's painful for everyone, but they understand.  And, the sickness I felt in my gut lifted the moment I decided to stay.  While we ate breakfast, I explained to my kids that they were about to have the greatest vacation with Dad at Grandma's house and that I was so excited for them to go and have fun!  I told them I couldn't wait to hear all about it (attitude is everything when explaining these difficult things to kids)!  They got excited and that made me happy. 

Mr. Scabs said it wasn't fair and that he is so sorry.  More than once he offered to stay home and let me go, but my heart knew I needed to stay.  

And so, I balked all tradition and put Mr. Scabs and the kids on a plane.

Thank the powers that be for Airbnb!  My search found the most adorable last minute "tiny" bungalow for rent in the little hippy town of Bisbee, AZ.  I spent the next day maxing out my house, mopping floors, doing all the laundry, making pet arrangements, baking a ham and rolls and a big fat pumpkin pie.  It was kinda fun cooking for my solo Thanksgiving dinner.  That night my head hit the pillow and I slept.  

Word must have spread around the neighborhood about my tradition balking because the pies started flooding in.  My neighbors are so kind and I had a million invitations to join their meals.  Some expressions clearly couldn't understand why I'd choose to be alone much less alone on Thanksgiving. Others wished they could join me.  

I gathered all my pies, my yoga mat and my books and began my roadtrip.  

At the gas station I met an older man dressed in a plaid shirt and cuffed jeans with a wooden cross hanging from his neck.  He was filling the tank of his dark red VW bus.  I looked over with envy. The only thing missing from this trip was a bus.  We talked for a minute, he blessed my trip and I blessed his. We said our goodbyes over our insanely gigantic road trip style cokes.  

This year my non-traditional Thanksgiving included, used book stores, eating pumpkin pie in my bed, yoga on the third floor of a Odd Fellows lodge built in 1910, a ghost story tour, reading and praying and being and eating the yummiest corned beef hash from the Breakfast Club.

Later today, I'll pack up the "tiny" bungalow and fill my non-VW bus with gas and drive north.  I'll pass through some pretty fascinating Arizona history and probably stop at all the historical markers because that's what I like to do.  

Many of us ask, how can we pass through the difficult days, memories and family traditions? How do we walk through holidays that may now hold a different meaning?  

This is what I learned: No matter what plans I made in the sticky months of summer,  my new tradition is to honor my gut feelings and follow my instincts, always.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Recovery yoga night Friday

Hey ya'll!

Yoga has meant everything to my healing, in body, spirit and mind.  Those of you who have been to Camp Scabs or to our recent retreat collaboration with Bloom you have experienced the kind of yoga I'm talking about.

Two lovely ladies I know, camp alumni, have put together a yoga self-care night...TONIGHT near Salt Lake City.  Wish I didn't live so far away... but please go for me and tell me all about it.


Monday, November 9, 2015


recipe here
At the Bloom Retreat we spent the whole week eating well. When our bodies, minds and spirits are in trauma we sometimes lean toward too much or too little too junky. I know I spent loads of time noshing whole bags of oreos while I lounged on the couch and when I got off the couch it was fast food and not caring for my body. Food can be such an issue.

Post retreat, here's one simple crock pot recipe to help feed, nurture and care for ourselves with food. My family is eating this for dinner tonight but I don't make meatballs. I take it one step simpler by just cutting up some nitrate free sausage links and adding it to the pot. yum!


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Scholarship Giveaway


I love being able to do this!  

Sometimes these issues in our marriages and relationships can cause financial difficulties or maybe you're a single mom and the idea of paying and traveling to a retreat like the one I'm hosting with Bloom for Women is utterly out of the picture but also so desperately needed.

Well, guess what?  
Some scholarship money just came in and I'm thrilled to be able to give it to you!!

Things with Camp Scabs have been getting bigger and so I decided that literally pulling a name out of a hat was no longer the right way to do this.  I signed up for one of those fancy online raffle generators.  Click the link below and you'll see three ways to enter your name.  And truly, I understand the sensitivity we sometimes feel, so if none of these feel good to you, just email me and I'll enter you manually.  

People are asking, "What's the difference between Camp Scabs and the Bloom Retreat?"

The main difference is the 12 hours of facetime you will have with Dr. Kevin Skinner, betrayal trauma expert and therapist.  You'll be able ask him your pressing questions and get the tools you're searching.  He's created a curriculum just for this retreat focusing on getting "unstuck".  We've all been there, haven't we?  I can't wait to learn from him!

Here are the quick retreat details but you can get all the info here

What: Gain the tools support, and the therapeutic help you need to become "unstuck", move forward and make the right decisions for your life. 

What's Included?
  • 4 nights at "The Gorgeous Creekside Chateau" (rooms are given on a first-buy, first-choice basis):
    • Checkin is Tuesday 11/3 at 4:00pm Mountain Time
    • Checkout is Saturday 11/7 at 11:00am Mountain Time
    • Your choice of a shared room (Private rooms can be made available by personal request. Call or text us and we can accommodate you.)
    • Transportation is provided to and from the airport and throughout the week.
  • 12 hours of therapy with Dr. Kevin Skinner
  • Your own "Survival Kit":
    • One Year Membership to Bloom
    • Turkish Towel
    • Yoga Mat
    • Eye Pillow
    • "Well Fed 2: More Paleo Recipes for People Who Love to Eat" Cookbook
    • Bloom T-Shirt
    • A Special Token Gift
    • A Journal
  • Meals (dietary restrictions will be accommodated). All meals will follow a clean eating, Paleo diet:
    • Welcome dinner on 11/3
    • Breakfast, lunch and dinner on 11/4
    • Breakfast, lunch and dinner on 11/5
    • Breakfast, lunch and dinner on 11/6
    • Farewell breakfast on 11/7
    • Drinks and snacks
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